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  The time now is Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:37 am 

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 5:25 pm    Post subject: Ugh  Reply with quote  

Legovial
Tarogpan Terrorizer


Joined: 16 Jun 2007
Posts: 477
Location: Massachusetts

Ok - this rant is waaay off FF topic or even games in general. It's just a random RL rant so feel free to mark this as read - I just need to vent.

So my best friend growing up is getting married on New Years. I'm very happy for her, glad she's happy, etc, etc. I think she deserves it after the @#$% she went through with her ex. That's not what my rant is about...

I hate weddings. Not because I hate the institution of marriage, because I'm bitter or any of the 'normal' reasons for hating weddings. I hate weddings because I inevitably get asked the question.... 'So, is there anyone special?' or some variation on this topic. I understand the whole 'I'm happy, I want everyone else to be too' thing and, like I said, I'm glad she's found someone she can be happy with. Why oh why does equate to the illogical conclusion that just because she's happy with someone that I can't be happy without someone? Why is it that as long as you can say you have a significant other, people assume your happy and when you say you don't, the conclusion is that you're looking? Why do I suddenly get sympathetic comments or looks when I say I'm happy - because somehow it's impossible to be happy if I'm not with someone?

I'm not bashing relationships and I'm not bashing guys. Relationships are fine, so long as you're not in one just to be in one. It would be stupid of me to bash guys, since I hang out with more guys than girls and enjoy their company more in general. I just hate, hate, HATE that somehow it's not ok to be happy by yourself. Why isn't it ok that I'm comfortable enough by myself that I'm not willing to have someone around just for the sake of saying that I'm not 'alone'?

So really, I'm mad at society, which hammers into our brains that if we're not sharing life with one person, we're somehow not whole as an individual. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with NOT being in a relationship either darnit!

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:42 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Striker
I has Kikoku!


Joined: 23 Feb 2006
Posts: 1328

Hehe I kinda feel the same way, cept I doubt I'll ever get married even if I find a certain someone thats willing to put up with me. And I get the same kinda crap from my family/friends whenever I go to a wedding myself ( specially since I've been in 4 out of the last 6 I've gone too :'( )

In reguards to the "Way can't I be happy by myself?" I personally think that most ppl think that you are lying to yourself for one of 2 reasons and I hate to say this way but from the ppl that I've talked to about it their responses are usually split right down the gender line.

1.) Having sex regularly ( guess which gender that comes from =P )
2.) Being able to share your inner most thoughts/feelings with someone without being afraid of how they would react.


For the weddings I go to, I'm always happy for the ppl getting married. But you can always tell when I've been getting the nagging "So when you finally going to setting down and get hitched?" cause at that point I'm the one going to the bar spending most of my on-hand cash ( last one I went to I think I spent about $60 on drinks + tips ) and getting completely and utterly trashed, too which the ones nagging me realize I don't want to talk about it and just leave me a lone. Though I can't always say that I can remember what was said/done after I started hitting the bar.
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:58 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

choochoogonepoo
Crab Crusher


Joined: 02 Nov 2007
Posts: 197
Location: Kansas

Awww I'm sorry lego ;_; It'll be ok ^_^;
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 7:26 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Wumyamya
Ulmia's Soulmate


Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 2329

Most people don't understand people who are single by choice, to be honest. Even a therapist I once saw gave me a hard time when I explained that I had friends, I go on dates, I've been in relationships, and I've found over time that I'm happier just not being in a relationship. I resented his implication that feeling that way was wrong, and informed him he was being awfully narrow minded, especially when one of his constant questions to me was what made me happy. When I finally told him something that did, he insisted that that couldn't make me happy. I stopped seeing him after that session. Smile

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 7:32 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Nimdae
Dog Food


Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 2238
Location: Texas

I don't just get it at weddings...

My mom bothers me about it whenever she can. She wants more grandchildren. To be honest, I'm not interested in having children, even if by some miracle I manage trick some girl into marrying me.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:01 am    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Squitt
電 話 武 士


Joined: 17 Feb 2006
Posts: 3608
Location: Delaware, Ohio

Self edited Surprised

Anyway, you're not the only person who deals with this question. Even outside of weddings, if I meet family friends who I haven't seen in awhile, they assume that because I'm mid-20's and male I must be seeing somebody.
They mean well and are making an attempt to show genuine interest, is how I try to view it, and that viewpoint keeps me from being irritated when it's asked.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 12:03 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Oni
Bluredalidin


Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 454

Well lego considering its what every animal does would be why people act like that. Some animals spend all their life seeking a mate. When it comes to people its alil different considering that our emotions and feeling are way more complex. It is completely possible that your just fine not being in a relationship right now.

I have personaly found it extremely hard to find someone that meets my needs and have been in and out of relationships also i've gotten to know certain traits in woman that i know lead to farther problems that i know that i emotionaly can't/don't want to handle or get into. Now I am happy currently in my life being single but I also know that i would like to be in a relationship. There are alot of things i would like to do in my life that i can't do on my own. Its nice having someone there even when your not interacting. Alot of people have it in there head that every moment they spend together they need to be doing something together, but what they don't understand is that once you become comfortable with a person it just feels nice having them around you even though your not interacting.

Well to get back on track its perfectly fine that your happy at this time on your own but don't try to fool yourself into thinking you don't need other people. If people were ment to be alone there wouldn't be a couple billion of us on this planet. Eventualy you will find someone to share yoru life with and if you don't i garuntee you have a ton of regrets in your life because you convince yourself thats it not needed. And that comment isn't directed towards just relationships. Basicaly i just hope that you haven't given up on the idea of finding someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Its a sad day when someone on this planet thinks their alone out there.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:39 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Gigiya
Antica Addict


Joined: 28 Feb 2006
Posts: 168
Location: Westville, IN

i'm looking forward to my wedding

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:50 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Legovial
Tarogpan Terrorizer


Joined: 16 Jun 2007
Posts: 477
Location: Massachusetts

Oni, you completely missed my point.

I specifically said I wasn't against relationships in general or even being in one. What I'm against is the attitude that it's necessary in order to be a whole person. I don't believe as some people do, that there's 'someone for everyone'. I think the attitude that I'm 'fooling myself' by thinking I'm fine without a guy is wrong tbh. I never said I don't need people - I've very close with my family (which is like a small country tbh) and I have friends as well. I'm not alone and I'm not lonely - that's not fooling myself, that's facts. I'm not anti-relationship, I'm against being in a relationship because you're not comfortable enough with yourself that you need to define yourself by someone else and their happiness. I need my family and friends - I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. I said already - it's not that I'm against marriage, I just don't think it's necessary to be happy.

Thing is, I know so many people who are in a relationship and truely unhappy. But...they're married/dating/whatever so, they must be happy right? I don't think it's an If/Than scenario. I really believe that you can be happy in whatever situation you find yourself in. Right now, I've chosen to be happy and take advantage of the things I can do single.

Squitt - I think there's other ways to avoid that without such an extreme measure Laughing I'm in the same boat though. I have 5 brothers and sisters, the youngest of which is 13 years younger than I am. I've had enough diaper changing and babysitting to last me a lifetime. I like having my little sisters down to visit, then sending them home

Anyway, it's good to hear that I'm not the only one who has this problem and gets annoyed with it. Thanks guys Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:42 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Eprisom
Chocobo Rider


Joined: 14 Sep 2006
Posts: 35
Location: Bridgeport, USA

I know exactly how you feel. I personally hate weddings because they tend to drag on. Mad

But I also agree with how society refuses to let people simply the way that they wish to. Granted, I've been in a relationship or two that I was very happy and content with being in, but I am capable of being equally happy by myself. But, I have the same issue with my parents, no one can accept it for what it is! Some people are happy alone.

And if you do happen to end up with someone. If not, as long as you're happy, who cares, right?
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:30 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Emeraldrae
Honourable Artist


Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 1295

Nimdae wrote:
She wants more grandchildren.

My sister and I are secretly plotting to see who'll be the one to have kids LAST since neither of us are particularly fond of small children. She's a hermit though, so it looks like she'll be the winner Mad

Eprisom wrote:
I personally hate weddings because they tend to drag on.

I hate them because they're boring and so far the only ones I've been to were for relatives I barely know. Rolling Eyes


As for my opinion on this whole issue... I can't really relate. :/ I'm one of those annoying hopeless romantics that gets bitter and depressed when someone else is being lovey-dovey. One of my best friends from high school is dating someone right now and keeps saying how "omg he's so perfect, I love him soooo much, he's my nekoboi, lovelovemushmush" and all that crap- which makes it just about the ONLY time that I'm happy to be single.
...Um, yeah. I'm not good at staying on-topic am I. Laughing
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:32 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Nimdae
Dog Food


Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 2238
Location: Texas

What bothers me about it is when I inevitably respond that I'm not dating, the instant reaction is "oh, I know someone perfect for you!" and it turns out she's not...actually, far from it. Even my sister has joined in. I told them just don't worry about it and leave me alone about it. For the most part, they have.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 4:10 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Shef
Jailer of Lulz


Joined: 12 May 2006
Posts: 436

First of all: Lego, you're a gal? ZOMG!

Secondly:

Dating to me is basically getting to know someone, or going out to have a good time. You can go out on dates with people you barely know, or with friends who you enjoy spending intimate time with. However, a relationship is something much further than just dating. It's something that's should go beyond dating and off into marriage. I never get into a relationship I dont want to see through, and honestly I'm happy just being single, or a very kinky flirt.

Hapiness is based off of achieving your goals. Whether it be marriage, getting a PHD, loli-rape or world domination, it varies per person. However because of society's views due to the media, hapiness is a small surburban house, husband and wife with two kids, a dog, and the wacky neighbor with the Rocket launcher. Until then, people are like "OMG I wish I had that" and once achieved, its like "OMG, I'm so happy, you should be happy like me!"

So Lego, my advice to you is to sleep with her husband.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 4:21 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote  

Nama
Ovinnik Overlord


Joined: 03 Oct 2007
Posts: 533
Location: Tallahassee,FL

i agree fully lego i always have friends trying to hook me up and im just fine being alone i dont "need" to be in a relationship to be happy but everyone else cant seem to understand that XD.
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